Are You Capable of Recognizing Love?


Love defies logic. It makes no sense and has no rhyme or reason to it. It’s never a choice: you don’t get to choose who you love, no matter how much you may want to. Love elevates you to heights you never thought possible. Which is exactly what makes it so real and unforgettable. If you’ve ever truly loved someone, you know when something is not love. But what about when you’re in love with someone but you have no idea that what you’re feeling is love? 

That may seem like a strange thing to say, but it’s actually quite common. Especially for men. And extra especially for men who grow up in situations where they feel they are not in control. This maybe because they’re bullied, or perhaps because of some other form of trauma or loss in their family lives: whatever the cause, the normal reaction is to try and control as many things as possible in life. And this tendency especially carries over into relationships, because it’s a place where you find yourself vulnerable and open. . .and that’s the last place you want to be when you’ve felt pain or suffering in life. So much so that you’ll create a narrative in your mind about what you want in life and who you want to love; basically, a list of what’s acceptable and what’s not. And, you’ll shape the story of how a relationship is supposed to progress. And if it happens in a way that goes against your prefabricated narrative, you’ll believe it’s not love or not right, merely because it challenges your preconceived beliefs.

The feeling of being in love is the most amazing feeling in the world, but only to a person who knows that beauty, magic, wonder and mystery can only be experienced when they are completely open, vulnerable and not in control of anything. The greatest of all feelings happen to you and through you, not because of your actions. And this can be downright terrifying to someone who feels their lives are totally due to their own actions and scripted list of desires. So terrifying in fact, that you may not even recognize love when it’s right in front of you.

If we could choose who we were attracted to or who we loved, life would be a lot easier and more straight forward. But the fact that we don’t have even the slightest control over either shows how wonderous and mysterious the universe is. And thank goodness, lest we be locked in a pathetic trap of our minds! Who do you think of when you’ve accomplished something great? Where does your mind go when you’re sad and alone, and want to know things will be ok? Probably not where you think it would.

Does beauty, magic and mystery terrify you when you see it face to face, or is it enough to make your ego surrender to something much more spectacular than itself? Do you run away from things you don’t understand, or do you step closer? Do you try to rationalize it away into something lesser, or worse yet unacceptable for your life, or do you dive in and let it wash over you and make you a better version of yourself? These simple questions will show you exactly if you can recognize love or not, and how much work spiritual and ego clearing work you have left to do. And for the telltale question: what is your idea of love? Hint: if you have an idea of what love should look like, then you’ll likely not be able to recognize it when it shows up in your life.

Remember, love is the one thing that has the power to destroy your egoism and false notions about life. It’s the one and only thing that can unwind all your karma and make you whole. It will challenge you every step of the way to destroy everything that is not serving your highest calling. It cares not for race or religion, caste or creed, or what other people want or expect for your life. It cares only about pure, utter authenticity, connection and purpose. Things beyond what the mind can comprehend. If you understand it, it’s not love. If you can control it, it’s not love. If it doesn’t get under your skin and drive you crazy, it’s not love. If it’s maddening and beyond all comprehension, maybe then, you’ve found love.